Count Your Blessings

Ahhhh, God is so good!!!
This week has been so good! Even though I have not had the time or the heart the seek God more in my quiet time this week, he has blessed me abundantly!!

- Sunday, September 9th — Had a meeting with people in explicit roles of leadership for Crossroads and we hashed out details, and talked about being of one vision. It was slightly stressful, but so necessary and really good for us to seek unity!!
— Met the newcomers in FCS and it was amazing - I'm so fond of them!! I'm excited to work for the kingdom with them and help them to seek Him more! :)
— Died because the freshmen that have been checking out CFCC are SO. FREAKING. CUTE. They like reach out and are intentional and are like friends with each other, and just everything that's super encouraging to me, asking to join our fb group and posting cute selfies of themselves eating dinner. I literally died for like 30 min seeing all the cute stuff they posted on social media. Like literally couldn't do anything else for 30 min... I am not kidding. I'm so excited to love them and walk with them towards Christ!

- Monday, September 10th —Had a meeting with small group leaders for this semester, and it was so good! Really got to see that we were all seeking to see people live out their faith this semester, and God has been giving me a lot of inspiration for things to do with our small group this semester; giving me vision and giving me conviction!! :)

- Tuesday, September 11th — Met up with a freshman who came out to our Welcome Event last Friday, and he "screwed" up telling his life story to me, which really just meant he ended up sharing a lot of personal things to help explain where he is, and it ended up hitting really close to home. God has really placed a huge care for this kid in my heart, and I'm really hoping to be able to meet him where he is and really be able to show him a glimpse of God's love in the hopes that he'll be able to let God in and heal him in the ways the church has hurt him.

- Wednesday, September 12th — Survived another 7 am - 3 pm day... That enough is a PTL moment haha. !!
— Sang on Sproul to let the FCS newcomers experience what singing outside would be like for our first Sproul tomorrow! We got to actually talk to people that stopped by, who will hopefully come and support us through the semester/that might be interested in auditioning next semester! Praise God!
— Met up and caught up with a friend I met from CalSO. We talked about her continued struggle to see God with the right mindset. Even though she wanted me to share about my experience in China this summer, she ended up sharing about her experience finding a job/internship she wanted this past summer, and her struggle to not approach God selfishly and then with a hoard of guilt. I got to share my own experience in looking for a job — the humility and focus on Him God gave me through the process, and how I came out on the other side still seeking Him. Through a series of exchanges afterward, she came to decide that she wanted to explicitly and intentionally recommit her life to Christ! She's talking to someone else from my fellowship to hopefully set up some sort of accountability so that she doesn't just stray away from this conviction again. !!!1 Ahhhh1!!!!!131!!

God has been SO good. Even though sometimes I now feel restless — especially with Welcome Week dying down, God has still been blessing me so abundantly!! And really showing me how only through seeking Him will I be able to choose and find joy in this broken and sinful world.

sigh
#PTL
need to #ritl
/dies

Welcome Night!

There's a lot of thoughts that have ran through my head in this past week and a half back in Berkeley, and honestly, many weren't necessarily too positive and many were fairly critical (on both myself and others).

But God is really breaking down my pride and showing me that I am nothing and He is everything. He is showing me how much I will learn in this upcoming semester when I come before Him in service and in humility, and how true it is that it is His love that ravishes my soul. God, how much will it take before your love breaks me down into complete worship, adoration, and surrender? 

Literally, this past week has been a constant stream of, "How can I push the people around me to love God more? How can I love God more? How can I be intentional with those around me? How can I 

I

       I 

              I

                     I..." 

when all You have called me to do is to receive and respond to your love — in the most natural way possible.

And in the midst of trying to take responsibility and tell freshmen to receive and whatnot, I have definitely — whether consciously or not — taken a position of pride, one that says of course the upperclassman treats the underclassmen to food and boba, of course the upperclassman initiates conversation, of course the upperclassman reaches out and does x, y, and z. 

But today, in the simple act of four freshmen adamantly requesting to walk ME home instead of ME walking THEM back to the dorms because they could walk the two blocks back to the dorms together as a group of four, God is reminding of little I am, how I am nothing but His ambassador to attempt to spread the truth of His love. Anything good I do that I believe to be from me is. nothing. 

Nothing.

But rather would all glory and honor be to Him alone.

Welcome to Berkeley, class of 2018. May God continue to surprise me with the way He works.

Tough Love

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Matthew 22:37-39 (ESV)

God. I do not love you nearly enough. And my life is a testimony that I need that love — in the ways that I judge people, in the ways that I am selfish, in the ways that I stress and worry (mainly about myself). So Father, would you show me more and more each day what living with these two commandments as my guide and light looks like. 

"If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him."

Luke 17:3-4 (ESV)

Yet when I see or hear of parts of the body failing to (or appearing to fail to) even attempt to orient their lives around living out these two commandments, Father, how do I rebuke them with love? How do I express with love that living in any way that isn't geared in this manner is essentially living in sin — living separate from you? 

"The apostles said to the Lord, 'Increase our faith!' And the Lord said, 'If you had a faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it would obey you."

Luke 17:5-6 (ESV)

Lord, you respond saying that even if we have a pitiful amount of faith — the size of the smallest seed — we could even move one of the largest trees. Father, would I have faith that you will (as you have been) moving in the hearts of people, moving them and myself closer to knowing your heart — would I be reassured that even the faith of a mustard seed is enough for you to work in huge, powerful ways, Father, and would it be such a source of praise and joy in your handiwork. Oh would you fix my gaze upon your face!

Amen.