Oh Bother

Oh how I don't follow through with things - like how "I'll get [new posts] all up and posted before the new semester starts" - sigh, well that didn't happen...
__________________

I find myself in a really unpleasant place at the cusp of this new semester with so many little things constantly bothering me. I'm feeling lost and without direction or will. And ultimately, I find myself questioning a lot of what I'm currently striving for, what I'm worrying about, and what I'm investing in. I'm not sure where I'm heading towards in 2014 Lord, but I pray that you would keep my gaze fixed on you, the giver of life. 

Break and Rest

When I look back on this past semester, it becomes fairly clear to me that I’ve been running on my own strength. The summer before this past fall semester began was filled with the pain of facing loneliness and struggling with forgiveness. But ultimately, God showed his redeeming love through it all, as He convicted my heart of its depravity and sin and filled it with His love, peace, joy, and forgiveness. This was the initial source of my strength the beginning of this semester. But while the source of that strength first came from the Father, I realize I have failed to go back to Him to be refreshed throughout the semester.

Break is so interesting, y’know? What is break really? And how is it that we truly find rest?

…

I wrote this initial reflection near the beginning of break and found that I didn’t have the answer, so I stopped writing, haha. While the Father revealed this realization to me early on, here I am going into the final week of break before classes start, still unsure of how to answer these questions. I have already seen a few blog posts from people talking about idleness and laziness, discipline and grace, but still I am unsure of what to think.

The first thought that came to mind when I first wrote this was – “waste time with God.” In all I do – whether it is watching TV, spending time in fellowship, reading, or simply relaxing, do it all with the Father in mind. Mull over his awesomeness. Relish His presence. But part of me still felt guilty, and I wasn’t sure if somehow, all this was a cop-out excuse to laze around or to have fun.

But regardless of what is right and what is wrong, the end all is that God is good. He loves me, and there is grace. Even if this all is wrong – even if this “waste time on God” mentality really is a cop-out, He is greater than my sin. The Father is gracious, loving, and leading me to seek Him more as He continues to walk with me. Would He continue to teach me what it truly means to rest in His presence. Praise Him for such goodness, for such freedom, for such grace.

Winter Break

I like making big giant reflection posts
 - or more so I like... the idea of making big giant reflection posts.

I like to reflect over a looong period of time and then try to pull major themes from my present struggles so the Father may reveal to me the lessons I believe He is leading me to learn. Ahem, but as you can see, I've kinda been failing at that. I had planned to do one for summer (it's still a draft here lol) and I had wanted to do one for Fall semester (lol haven't even begun), but clearly that has not been happening.

But I still want to write, so there have been a few passing thoughts that I've been reflecting over this winter break. Hopefully, I'll get them all up and posted before the new semester starts. Soz I never post lol. Hope you few readers out there still appreciate what musings I have to offer. :3