When I look back on this past semester, it becomes fairly clear
to me that I’ve been running on my own strength. The summer before this past
fall semester began was filled with the pain of facing loneliness and
struggling with forgiveness. But ultimately, God showed his redeeming love
through it all, as He convicted my heart of its depravity and sin and filled it
with His love, peace, joy, and forgiveness. This was the initial source of my
strength the beginning of this semester. But while the source of that strength first
came from the Father, I realize I have failed to go back to Him to be refreshed
throughout the semester.
Break is so interesting, y’know? What is break really? And how
is it that we truly find rest?
…
I wrote this initial reflection near the beginning of break
and found that I didn’t have the answer, so I stopped writing, haha. While the
Father revealed this realization to me early on, here I am going into the final
week of break before classes start, still unsure of how to answer these
questions. I have already seen a few blog posts from people talking about idleness
and laziness, discipline and grace, but still I am unsure of what to think.
The first thought that came to mind when I first wrote this was
– “waste time with God.” In all I do – whether it is watching TV, spending time
in fellowship, reading, or simply relaxing, do it all with the Father in mind.
Mull over his awesomeness. Relish His presence. But part of me still felt
guilty, and I wasn’t sure if somehow, all this was a cop-out excuse to laze
around or to have fun.
But regardless of what is right and what is wrong, the end all
is that God is good. He loves me, and there is grace. Even if this all is wrong
– even if this “waste time on God” mentality really is a cop-out, He is greater
than my sin. The Father is gracious, loving, and leading me to seek Him more as
He continues to walk with me. Would He continue to teach me what it truly means
to rest in His presence. Praise Him for such goodness, for such freedom, for
such grace.
I like wasting time :)
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, too, looking back at periods of my life, I feel that some times were most wasted when I thought I was doing something very constructive.
I like your questions about break and rest (although I don't know the answer, either). I hope this break was restful for you, that that rest will flow onto the rest of this next semester, and that God will supply your strength! I'm excited about what you're experiencing with God :)