We Must Fight

This semester, I'm playing on an IM co-rec indoor soccer team with Crossroads, and this is the first time in ages that I've played a team sport. First things first, one thing I realized was that boy oh boy, I am out of shape. The whole game is only 40 minutes with two 20 minute halves. I'm pretty sure I only played like for like a third of the second half, but by the time I tapped out, I was like dead. Our supporters commented that I was pretty flail-ly too (kinda like this); I am not surprised.

But beyond that, as I was running back and forth from one end of the gym to the other, a pervading thought continued to press on in my head. You see, even though I had not played a competitive sport in a long time, it didn't stop me from being competitive, and it didn't stop me from trying to play the game. And I was suddenly convicted of the greater "game" we're playing here - the battle we fight daily against Satan to pursue Christ and spur others to equally find and pursue Christ.

And it suddenly hit me how little effort and drive I put into playing this game. To put it into perspective of a sports game, sometimes I feel like that guy who's just... walking around the spiritual field, eyeing the ball - the one who has accepted a spirit of defeat.

The hour before the IM game, I was struck with a lot of stressful news. I found out that I can't start my field placement at Aspire Cal Prep tomorrow morning because my TB tests actually just expired last summer, and I need to turn in current TB test results (within the past four years - yeah, I know, a bit part of this was also my fault for not checking earlier - and knowing that doesn't make things better...) to the CalTeach offices before I can start going into the classrooms. Then I looked at the free TB test services, and with my schedule (especially with retreat this weekend), it's looking like it'll be really difficult to even get that TB test done before next Thursday (there is a possible way for me to do it before then; it's just going to be really tight on time and just *sigh* kinda stressful).

In order to volunteer at my other field placement in a 3rd grade classroom at Washington Elementary school, I need to have a Berkeley Public School badge that I'd wear on campus. I was supposed to get the badge on Monday at the CalTeach orientation, but I couldn't make the original Berkeley Public School orientation last Tuesday because of my FSI section, so I made up the orientation last Thursday. However, because I went to a later orientation, my badge hasn't come in yet, so I'm not allowed to go to that field placement either (although I found out an e-mail later that the teacher didn't want us to go in tomorrow anyway, because they're doing Valentine's Day festivities tomorrow morning in the 3rd grade class I'm going into - too cute...).

And on top of all that, I haven't actually got in contact with the nephrologist I'm supposed to shadow this semester, and I just feel like I've accepted a spirit of defeat in worrying about these things. I feel especially overwhelmed by all these minimum requirements - 12 hours at Washington Elementary, 24 hours at Aspire Cal Prep, 60 hours of shadowing - simply because while everyone else has started getting their hours already, various obstacles have been preventing me from being able to start as early as I can. I realize the Enemy has a huge drive to disparage us and break us down. It's up to us to decide whether we're willing to fight back.

I often say to myself, "Jason, remember, the victory has already been won" but do I truly believe it? Do I really act and fight like I know I've already won? More often than not, I find myself playing the loser. Father, we often find ourselves in the middle of this war, acting either like there's no battle to fight or there's no battle we can win. I pray that you would remind us daily of the victory we have in your Son's sacrifice, and in that, we would remember, we must fight. Because from now until the end of time, Satan will never stop trying to convince as many of God's warriors as possible that they have been defeated, so truly...

we must fight.