Jesus, Bring the Rain

Thursday, November 7
4:15 PM

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, midterms in forty-five minutes..... oh my goodness four hours of back-to-back midterms in forty-five minutes AND I SITLL DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO PHYSICS..... WHY DON'T I KNOW HOW TO DO THESE PRACTICE PROBLEMS? WHY DON'T I UNDERSTAND THEM EVEN AFTER I LOOK AT THE SOLUTIONS?? ... Why did I feel so at peace up until now? Well, what can I do about it now...?

....

So I started to walk to my exams at 4:30 pm, and I started praying. I was so upset with myself that I was once again struck by anxiety and stress; my head felt like it was spinning.

Father, I pray for peace. I am about to go into back-to-back midterms again, and I just feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all. But why do I feel this way, Father? Why do I feel such pressure to do well on these exams. Truly, they don't really matter in the eternal perspective, but I mean.... they still matter.

But why do they matter to me? Is it ultimately to further your kingdom that I study? Is it to extend your glory that I study? Or is it for my own pride - that I may be good at what I do? Is it to fulfill unspoken, possibly nonexistent familial expectations to do well at an institution I am paying money to study at? Is it simply because of the expectation to do well? Is it for this world?

I don't know, Father, honestly. I'm too close to the testing to assess this, but Father, would you be opening my eyes to how you want me to utilize my time here at Cal. Would you be showing me how I may be studying for your glory, and would you bring me peace in the midst of the oncoming storm that is four treacherous hours of testing...

Amen. 

Then all of a sudden, lyrics popped into my head:

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain.

....

Whether it was a self-fulfilled prophecy or not, I was able to find peace - if only momentarily - during those next four hours. Even though I didn't know how to do probably around a third of the Physics midterm, I can truly say I was still able to leave 155 Dwinelle, praising Him, for what in this life could mean any more than to worship the one true and almighty King? Jesus, bring the rain.
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